know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
