Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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