Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
