lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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