Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
