dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Alive.
So much puke
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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