Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
