You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
