My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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