No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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