i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
