Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
We're too hungover to prance.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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