I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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