Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
