I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
where does the pee come out of this thing
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
My dad is sitting where you rode me
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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