weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
