Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
It's rum buckets o'clock
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
