They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
what day is it and did you see me today?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
me + whiskey = a bad person
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Randomize
