living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
