I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
