It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
