I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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