when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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