apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
