the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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