yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize