I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
