I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
