I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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