So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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