I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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