Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
