new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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