White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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