I'd wear matching sweaters with you
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
