I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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