butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Randomize
