great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
