This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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