my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
you will always have a special place in my vag
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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