If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
