im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
