im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Randomize
