Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
