Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
