Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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