I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
they need to just BURY HIM!
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
