Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
