Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I can text with my tongue
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
