But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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