I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
