I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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