so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
