I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
