Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
