Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
She's the barista slut.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
