i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
