Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
