dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
