We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
