does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
