Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
