watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
