please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize