Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Too much gin, very little bucket
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
