I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
