i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
