you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
