Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
