Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
