i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
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