I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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