Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
